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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27311692">Venom Dies</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hitlertheduck/pseuds/Hitlertheduck'>Hitlertheduck</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Venom (Comics)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Gen, The story Marvel doesn't want you to see</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-10-31</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-10-31</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 20:35:47</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,125</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27311692</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hitlertheduck/pseuds/Hitlertheduck</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Todd McFarlane told me that this was meant to be the final story that Venom was ever in and then he blew up. Read before Marvel takes this down.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Venom Dies</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Venom was walking down the road, carefree as usual, when he heard a squishing sound underneath his feet. He lifted up his foot and to look at what he stepped on.</p><p>“Ew, I stepped on a ladybug” said Venom in his iconic French accent.</p><p>He didn’t really care that much, he just scraped his foot down on the ground and continued along his merry way.</p><p>Suddenly a big ol space ship crashed in front of Venom and a bunch of pink squid aliens exited from the ship, with the one in the middle (he had a sombrero on) stepping forward to say something.</p><p>“Venom, you’ve murdered our king and for that you must die!”</p><p>All the squid aliens then pulled out ray guns and started shooting at Venom, while Venom was dodging every single one of them, because he was a big ol boy, with a big ol heart.</p><p>Venom then reached into his pocket and pulled out the holy sword Excalibur, and with this sword he sliced up the aliens like a complete and total badass until they were all dead.</p><p>Venom then wiped sweat off his forehead after this long hard battle, but then he realized that the drops of sweat on his head were actually microscopic Vikings who then grew to human size.</p><p>“Venom, you’ve murdered our best friends with the sword Excalibur so you must die” said the lead Viking.</p><p>“Wella I guessa we musta fighta” said Venom in his famous Italian accent.</p><p>Venom then seductively started to lick his lips, which made the Vikings become hypnotized because Venom’s lip licking technique has the power to dominate the will of all who <br/>witness it. Venom then started to flutter his eyelashes menacingly, making all of the Vikings blow up in a big ol explosion because Venom’s eyelash flutters are more powerful than the atomic bomb.</p><p>Venom then exhaled a gust of air from his nose and said “I’ve gotta take a poo”</p><p>Venom walked towards the bathroom, sat on the toilet, and locked the stall. He let out a big yell, but a poo did not come out of Venom’s coin slot. Instead, an army of baseball players erupted from Venom’s tootsie pop and they sent Venom flying out of the bathroom and into space with their super awesome baseball bats.</p><p>Venom crashed back down to earth and all of the baseball players were looking at him very harshly.</p><p>“Are you aware that the ladybug you stepped on was the president of the United States and was on his way to sign a contract to end all war and poverty in the world” asked the captain of the baseball team.</p><p>Venom just twirled his mustache in his hand and said “Me no speaka Engrish” said Venom in his Japanese accent.</p><p>The army of baseball players then pulled out baseballs and started pelting Venom with their flaming baseballs. Venom jumped out of the way of their projectiles, raised his right hand up in the air, and brought the sun down, cooking all of the baseball players alive.</p><p>This then made Venom hungry for some steak, so he tore open a hole in the fabric of reality and jumped into the steak dimension to go and eat some steak.</p><p>Venom then landed on the meaty ground to which he was greeted by the steak god, Mega Meat. “Venom, you have trespassed in my realm and for that, you must be punished”</p><p>“Fuck that shit laddie” said Venom in his Scottish accent.</p><p>Venom then reached into his backpack that he wearing the entire time and pulled out a vacuum cleaner. He then turned the vacuum cleaner to suck and the electronic device inhaled Mega Meat into it, destroying Mega Meat once and for all because vacuum cleaners are his only weakness.</p><p>Venom then grabbed all of the meat from the meat dimension that he could carry and began eating like an absolute king, but before he could take his last bite, his stomach started rumbling until suddenly, Venom sneezed a sneeze powerful enough to flood the entire meat dimension.</p><p>Venom began rubbing his eyes and saw that before him, was the cocaine monster and he had the most pinchable cheeks of all time, like if you could pinch this fellas cheeks, suddenly you’d feel inner peace and that nothing more could go wrong with your life but you’re not gonna because I hate you and think you smell like frozen peas.</p><p>The cocaine monster then said “so Venom, you killed my brother Mega Meat, but in turn you have awakened me, now prepare to die”</p><p>Venom then yawned because he was beginning to get tired. This in turn summoned the god of yawning to aid Venom in his quest.</p><p>“I am the God of Yawning and I have come to protect Venom from your tyranny” belched the God of Yawning from his stomach parts.</p><p>The God of Yawning then kissed Venom on his mouth thingy and then went to go and fight the cocaine monster.</p><p>The Yawning God then put a chair behind the Cocaine Monster and invited him to sit down, which the Cocaine Monster obliged. Yawning God then pulled the chair out from underneath the Cocaine Monster WITH THE FORCE OF ONE MILLION SUPERNOVAS which caused the Cocaine Monster to stop existing due to the force of the chair pull affecting space and time.</p><p>The God of Yawning then went back into Venom’s mouth to hibernate until the next time that Venom did a yawn and Venom went back to his own world.</p><p>Venom then decided that today was a long day and he was kind of tired so he decided to go back home and go to bed. </p><p>Venom got home and opened his door, but first he decided to have some dinner. He opened up his refrigerator and pulled out some tuna casserole which he put in the microwave. He waited a few minutes and then pulled it out, ready to enjoy it.</p><p>As Venom sat down, he felt something pierce his bun bun hole. He then reached his happy hand around and touched his flappy cave until he pulled out what hurt him. <br/>Venom stared in horror as he viewed what it was, a thumbtack! </p><p>Thumbtacks were Venom’s greatest weakness in whole wide multiverse and he had just sat on one right that instant!</p><p>Air shot out of Venom’s poopy hole as he slowly began to deflate because Venom was actually an inflatable balloon this entire time. “Aye, dios mio” exclaimed Venom in his well-known Danish accent. </p><p>Air continued shooting out of him until after a few minutes, Venom lied on the ground, flat and in need of an air pump. </p><p>And that’s the story of how Venom died.</p>
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